I just found out that Christmas is
cancelled. Not worldwide or you would have already heard about it. Not even the
whole day, just dinner. Christmas dinner at my grandparents’ house is cancelled.
Now we always knew that at some point the holiday dinners at the grandparents’
would come to an end because my grandparents are ninety, and Nana has been
threatening to die for the last fifteen years.
But as of this posting, everyone is
fine, yet dinner is still cancelled. Of course there was the heart attack
incident at Thanksgiving, but I’m pretty sure the three year old is to blame
for that, and anyway, what are the chances it will happen again?
The word is that my uncle is tired
of cooking every holiday, although the only reason he cooks every holiday is
because we thought he liked it. It’s not like we locked him in the kitchen and
threw crackers and clam dip at his head if he tried to come out, although if I was
going to fling dip at anyone it would probably be the clam. But I can
understand, because I don’t enjoy cooking either, there’s so much preparation
and work and you have nothing to show for it by the end of the evening.
Maddening.
Nana says she wants to go to a
special Latin mass, which ok, I’m not a big church-goer (in fact I don’t even
remember when I was last dragged screaming into one) but I like Latin, it’s my
favorite language that isn’t English, so I get it. But we could have dinner
after church.
Then there was the “too old”
argument. You’re never too old for
Christmas. It’s a bullshit reason. And a sad reason. Plus, I don’t like change.
I hear nobody likes change, but I feel like I don’t like it more than most. It’s
documented. There was further nonsense about it being time to start our own
traditions. Well, we already have a tradition and that tradition is going to
her house. (I refer mainly to Nana here, because although there are two
grandparents, she is the force.) The time to start a Nana-less tradition is
when there’s no more Nana. Which we hope won’t be for a very long time. And it will
be far more picturesque if when our new tradition starts we are lamenting Nana’s
recent passing rather than lamenting the fact that she doesn’t want us around.
We love you, Nana.
If it’s really cancelled, then we’ll
eat dinner at my sister’s, which was always the back-up plan. Well, technically
the someday plan for when the grandparents have gone into that good night. Gently
I’m sure, because let’s face it, someone who’s been announcing their impending
death for the last decade or two is probably not the rage, rage type. I know,
and I do not approve, but what are you going to do? It’s not my fault that I’m insensitive
about this. I’m not generally so que sera sera about death, but like I said, we’ve
been hearing about it for a really long time and she’s worn me down. So I hope
you’re happy Nana, the world is now judging me for being callus, and it’s your
fault. It’s ok, she’ll never read this, and I’m positive she would laugh if she
did.
Although, if Christmas is cancelled
because I blogged about Thanksgiving then maybe she wouldn’t. I know that’s a
tad self-aggrandizing, but that’s straight where my guilty mind went when I
heard. I figured it was either the blog or our drunken revelry, but we get
drunk every holiday, and the blogging is new. But the blogs were very endearing,
and I didn’t use names, so come on family. But I don’t have to blog. I will swear
off the Christmas day blog for you Nana. Tweets only, I swear. And I’m sure we
can tone down the revelry and drunkenness. I’m sure we’re all ok with that. And
by “we,” I mean all those that participate in the revelry, not the royal we
that I sometimes fall into when in the throes of mental discourse.
I just wasn’t ready for a change
this year. But it will be wonderful I’m sure. My sister is also an amazing
cook, so the quality of the food won’t suffer, and on the bright side, no one
at her house will complain when I have to put my Tofurkey (leave it alone spell-check)
in the toaster oven. It’s possible I’ll be allowed to use a real oven, but I
won’t get my hopes up.
That is why Mrs. Tuna using her top secret fake name to save Christmas at her Nana's house.
ReplyDeleteIf only I were so clever...
ReplyDeleteHi: I don't know you, but, just received this Tweet from you. Do you know anything about this or have you been hacked? Thanks & Regards,
ReplyDeleteDebbie
To quote: (and I'm not going to click that link)
FYI this profile on twitter bit.ly/13s915F is spreading nasty blogs around about you