So this is it. Or not. Probably not.
Our last year, month, fortnight, whatever. I’m not sure of the final date
because I haven’t been paying attention, due to not caring, the not caring
being closely linked to not believing. But what if? If these are my (and everyone
else’s) last days I’m doing a lot of stuff I shouldn’t be bothering with, and
not enough good stuff. I just paid a bill. And rent. See what I mean? Totally
pathetic. This is not how I should be bringing in the end. Of course, if
January does roll around the pets will still expect to have a place to live.
I can’t give up the
responsibilities just yet, but I can add more laugh-in-the-face-of-Armageddon
fun. Sex comes to mind, that whole passion in the face of death thing, but eh, I’m
thinking more along the lines of something I haven’t done before (goodbye white
wedding) like maybe skydiving. Of course the point is to make my brief remaining time
spectacular, not to hasten the end, so maybe not skydiving. I’d like to dance
with the devil in the pale moonlight, but mainly so I could say that I had if anyone ever asked,
which no one will be around to do. That leaves killing a man just to watch him
die. And if you’re thinking I got to that too quickly, let me tell you that I
got to it first, and then added the other options so I wouldn’t seem like a
psycho.
Besides, it wouldn’t be that mean.
It sounds mean of course, “Kill a man just to watch him die.” That’s horrible.
But maybe it’s only mean if he has a long life ahead of him. It might not be so
bad if I did it on the 31st right before the ball drops. I would like
to have it wrapped up before the New Year’s Eve countdown so I could enjoy some
champagne. It would probably be smart to start on the champagne a little early
just in case, and I would recommend that for your New Year’s kisses as well. A
little early, just a small cheat. So if I wait until the last possible moment,
he’d only be losing what? Twenty seconds? And obviously it would be someone who
completely deserves to lose twenty seconds. Some complete jerk, like maybe the
guy from Ralphs. No, I’m sorry guy from Ralphs, I forgave you. I forgot.
Instead
of murder, I could do something heroically self sacrificing like give all my
stuff to charity and donate my organs to a needy stranger. Hopefully the stranger
that I choose needs a kidney, because I just went to all the trouble of
removing it, and I don’t think it’s all that easy to do yourself. But then if the
world doesn’t end, I’m stuck moving in with my mother, and I can’t even drink or
read because I gave away my liver and my books. I need a scenario in which no
one has to die or live with their mother.
I’m going to have a drink and try
to come up with one.
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