I have a couple of neighbors who think my name is Anna. I
wouldn’t be so bothered by this if they didn’t insist on saying “hi Anna,”
every time they see me. I don’t expect everyone to know my name. That would be
ridiculous. I wouldn’t care if they had no idea what my name was. I just can’t
understand what is so wrong with a moniker-free greeting. Why must they always
make such a point of addressing me by not-my-name?
The worst part is I’ve made myself
complicit. It’s been over a year, and I haven’t corrected them. I’m assuming
that when we met, I told them my actual name, because (and yes, I mean to brag)
I have never fucked up the process of telling someone my name. Not even when
I’m drunk, because I’ve had a lot of practice at both of those things. So, I am
completely sure I did not tell them my name is Anna.
But for whatever reason they
started calling me Anna, and I didn’t correct them, because I’m really not that
social, and it’s not like we hang out. Also, I had no idea they were going to
be so persistent about saying hello, or rather, “Hi Anna.”
So now I live in constant fear of being accosted
with the wrong name as I scutter to or from my apartment. I know it seems like
an easy fix, and it would have been, once, but now at this point I’m going to
look like a douche if I say anything, mostly because I’m actually being a
douche. I’m spending way more time
writing this post than it would take to march my ass across the way and say,
“Hello, my name is Anne. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” But what if
they didn’t get the reference? To be fair, I’m totally fucking up the syllable
rhythm by using my own name, and only my first name at that, so it’s not like
I’d blame them, much, but it would be pretty awkward. They would think I was
crazy, which is valid, but for the wrong reasons, which I don’t want to
encourage.
There is also the worry that if I
speak up, I may set off an entire conversation. Something like:
Me:
I just wanted to let you know my name is Anne.
Them: We know your name, Anna.
Me: No. It’s just Anne. Not Anna. I
should have said something sooner. Sorry.
Them: Why didn’t you?
Me: Because I dreaded the conversation that’s
happening to me right now.
Them: What’s wrong with you, Anna?
I’m left feeling resentful every
time they say “hi Anna.” Between the two of them it happens at least five times
a day, and it’s exhausting. They’re so aggressive about it that I’m never
allowed to slip by un-greeted. And I get stressed out about the whole situation
every time. Lately I’ve been wondering if they’re calling me the wrong name on
purpose just to torture me.
The thing is, if they legitimately
liked me enough to justify their urge to bury me in salutations, they would
know my fucking name. It’s not normal to greet someone so often when you never
otherwise converse. There is no one I say “hi,” to five times a day. Except for
them, because I have to say it back or I’ll look overly antisocial.
I am the one who’s disgruntled, so
I should speak the fuck up. But instead I’ll probably just bitch about it here,
and continue to quietly resent them. I hope no one got into this post looking for
a moral.
P.S. I know both of their names, and their kid’s
name. And their dog’s name.